Takeaways
- Gladys says that when your partner isn’t supportive, or isn’t inspired by your ambitions, a lot of times that’s when spouses stop sharing which is so bad for the relationship.
- Be clear about what support means–Gladys says this is so key! You have to know what support means to you.
- Three reasons to have a conversation:
- 1. To vent–sharing something that you need to get off of your chest.
- 2. Impart information–“I want to share something with you.”
- 3. Asking for support–“I need some support here.”
- The biggest pain points for women is they don’t feel heard. Your win is getting heard, and having your spouse listen to you and your ideas.
- We want to be responsible with the words we’re using.
- Example of asking for support: “I need some ideas on how to speak to a client–she’s saying she’s afraid, what do you think?”
- “What do you think?”–Gladys says are the three magic words to ask for support or advice from your partner.
- Instead of saying what I need from you just say, “What I need is–encouragement, motivation, etc.”
- Gladys says sometimes when we’re with friends, we will emotionally vomit words out. But the male brain is wired so different. Women have 7-8 areas in our brains that attach a thought to a feeling, to words. Men have 2 areas. Men need to step back and take time to process a conversation or emotions.
- Say, “What do you think” instead of “how do you feel” to your husband.
- Gladys asks how are you communicating what you want, what you need, what you think? Men often just look to remove the source of pain. So if the pain is money of a startup job, the solution in their mind might just be to get a steady job. This doesn’t necessarily mean they’re not supporting the “dream startup business,” but it seems less practical to their minds that are trying to remove that source of pain.
- Gladys says that when she made her first big coach investment, her husband asked a lot of questions. He asked if she trusted the coach, trusted the process. Gladys came to the conclusion she was afraid of that investment because she was afraid of her own shortcomings. Her husband says if she believed the coach would really help her, then he believed that she would make the most of it.
- When you’re going to make a big investment, know that your husband is coming at it from an angle of wanting to protect. Ask for what you need–to feel supported.
- From my own experience with students, it seems often that women go to husbands asking permission, because they are scared and afraid of failure. Sometimes it even seems as though they want them to say no because that would be easier and not on them. But this is why Gladys says it’s so key to state what you need, and move forward confidently.
- Sometimes the significant other just wants to fix it for you. But you have to hear the other person–not have two different conversations. Make that switch from anger to compassion.
Highlights
- (1:31) How to handle an unsupportive spouse.
- (3:28) These conversation tips saved Gladys’ marriage.
- (3:55) Venting.
- (5:05) Imparting information.
- (5:32) Asking for support.
- (6:25) 3 magical words when asking for support.
- (8:04) Emotional vomiting…why you don’t want to do this with your spouse.
- (9:03) The difference between men and women’s brains.
- (10:50) How are you communicating what you want, what you need, what you think?
- (11:48) When it comes to making financial investments for your biz, how can you get your spouse on board?
- (16:29) Asking for permission?
- (18:05) Switching from anger to compassion.
Quotes
“The biggest pain point for women is they don’t feel heard.“
“Sharing is neutral.”
“Women have 7-8 areas in our brains that attach a thought to a feeling, to words. Men have 2.”
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